Stop the press, we've finally found someone worth spending 12 seconds discussing: Youssef Chermiti. This charming lad, born on the sunny 24th of May 2004 (making him the ripe old age of 21 if you can't do a simple subtraction), hails from the enticing landscapes of Portugal. Chermiti prances about the pitch as a forward – the lionhearted striker for...Rangers. Standing nearly as tall as two average-sized garden gnomes on top of each other, he's 6ft 3in (1.92m) and weighs about as much as a well-fed sheep at 13st 3lb (84kg). Consistent enough to deserve the number 9 jersey, but not quite impressive enough to play for a decent team, I suppose.
If you happen to have around £5.5m kicking about – a sum so anemically small that not even Monaco would bother sticking it in their piggy bank – you could snap up Chermiti for your very own, at least according to the digital soothsayers at Transfermarkt.
In the heady days of 2016, fresh-faced Chermiti joined Sporting CP in the Portuguese Liga as a trainee, where he spent the 2022/23 season batting away balls like a cat tangled in a knitting basket. Sixteen first team appearances and three measly goals later, he was plucked from Portugal and shipped to Everton, England for an overly generous £11m.
In the land of grey skies and questionable cuisine, Chermiti spent the 2023/24 season bench warming for the Toffees. A measly 18 appearances later, he managed to drop his stats even lower in the following season with only four appearances. Clearly, his magic had faded faster than a 50s marquee starlet who'd discovered gin.
After being kicked to the kerb by Everton like last week's rubbish, guess where Chermiti rocked up? Yep, the dear old Rangers, chugging on the Chermiti train for a—let’s face it—optimistic £8m. Currently in the 2025/26 season, he's clocked up 18 appearances and scored what can only be described as a bucketful of goals. Well, a small bucket. A teacup, perhaps.
Chermiti managed to show up for the League Cup 2025/26 with one start and one mildly impressive appearance as a substitute for the Rangers, perhaps because everyone else was out with the sniffles. Let's also not forget his seven starts and one attempt to make himself useful in the Europa League 2025/26. Maybe one day he'll come to play for a team he deserves. Maybe.
