Indulge in the tale of Junior Hoilett. Born in the raucous wilderness of Canada on June 5, 1990 and seen primarily hovering on the left wing for Hibernian, Hoilett does a strong impression of a football forward. With his unremarkable stature of 5ft 8in (1.73m) and 11 stone (70kg) of pure, undiluted Canadian muscle, he's more of an artist than an athlete. He dons the 23 jersey, a numerical affectation no doubt symbolic of something, as he graces football pitches on behalf of Canada's national team.
After learning to kick a ball, presumably, his first notable stop was at Paderborn 07 in the German 2. Bundesliga in July 2007. He graced the pitch a solid 12 times and contributed one goal to the season’s tally, a truly prodigious effort. From there he moved on to St. Pauli, still in Germany, where his contribution almost resembled adequate, with 26 appearances and six goals.
His unbridled talent didn't remain unnoticed, however, as in July 2009 England's Blackburn Rovers swooped him comfortably into their Championship-facing nest. A series of seasons played out; 23 appearances, then 24 with five goals, then finally 34 and seven goals.
Not content to languish in Blackburn, Hoilett moved his circus to Queens Park Rangers in July 2012 for what is laughably called a fee that was “undisclosed” - undoubtedly shorthand for “more than his value.” Throughout his stint at QPR, he scored a smattering of goals and made sporadic appearances until June 2016 when he found himself temporarily unattached.
In October 2016, he landed at Cardiff City, and here - wonder upon wonders - Hoilett seemed to finally find some consistency. Over multiple seasons, he made multiple appearances and even scored a few goals, plenty of them probably legitimate.
Come August 2021, Hoilett decided to grace Reading, now in English League One, with his esteemed presence. His performances there were much as one might anticipate; some goals, some appearances, all with his signature brand of near-competency.
Create space in your calendars; September 2023 saw his grand move to the Vancouver Whitecaps in the MLS. Seven whole league appearances simply merit attention. A brief sojourn across the Atlantic brought him to Aberdeen, located somewhere in Scotland, in February 2024. Here, his performance was simply stellar for someone of his calibre; two goals from a mere 13 appearances.
As of August 2024, our intrepid explorer found himself at Hibernian. Where, one might very well ask, to which the answer is simply Scotland. Here, in our current 2024 - 2025 season, Hoilett has been busily pottering around the pitch to the tune of 26 appearances and four goals.
A special mention must be made; the mighty Hoilett joined in the Scottish Cup 2024 - 2025 for Hibernian with an unprecedented one start and one appearance as a sub. No doubt he was a sight to behold.
